Recently, a gift officer said to me, “My biggest concern with donor visits is that I don’t want them to think I’m only visiting just for the money.”
“What do you want them to think you are there for instead?” I asked.
“I want them to know that we appreciate them and to thank them for all they do,” came the response.
“Ok,” I said. “Can you think of a time when you’ve visited a donor and you didn’t emphasize how grateful and appreciative you and the organization are for all they have done?”
“No! I always thank them and tell them how grateful we are for their past support,” came the quick response.
“So, why is your biggest concern that they might think you are there, ‘just for the money?'” I asked.
As we talked further, it become clear that this gift officer wasn’t comfortable inviting gifts. Deep down, in places hardwired into her from childhood, she viewed discussions about money as being discourteous.
So, not only would she shy away from the topic, she declined bringing up the topic of money on her visits with donors. In her mind, she was inviting gifts and/or talking about giving with donors without bringing money into the conversation. This, by the way, is a difficult feat!
She wasn’t really concerned that donors would think she was only visiting for the money. In fact, she was interacting with donors from the complete opposite perspective – she was never going to bring up money with donors. There was almost zero risk that her visits would lead people to believe she was there, ‘just for the money.’
As our conversation continued, I attempted to emphasize that she wasn’t asking for herself, that she was inviting people to support something they already cared about and believed in, that giving is good, and, even, that donors quietly question the effectiveness of gift officers who visit them multiple times and never propose a specific giving opportunity.
She agreed on all points. At least, I got the sense that she agreed. I hope the session helped her get more comfortable talking about money with donors.
But, that’s not what this post is about really.
It’s really about this: All of us, at times, create narratives that are socially or professionally acceptable to explain the reasons behind our actions. But these narratives do not always line up with the true motivations driving our actions.
We get more healthy socially (and more effective professionally) when we spend less time creating and sharing narratives that aren’t authentic and more time exploring and understanding our true motivations and beliefs.
