One morning recently, I attempted to pull into a McDonald’s to grab a cup of coffee (McDonald’s coffee is the best, don’t @ me). I say attempted to pull into a McDonald’s because the particular entrance I was using to get into the parking lot was marked as a one way entrance and there was a car headed the wrong way trying to exit the parking lot.
As we both stopped to figure out how to proceed, the driver looked at me, shook her head, and threw up her hands in frustration. While I don’t know what emotion she was feeling in that moment, her communication clearly signaled, “it’s not my fault!” Within a few seconds she was on her way (fortunately in the right direction) and I was able to continue into the parking lot.
Oddly, I thought about the mindset of this woman many times over the next few days. She reminded me that there are some people who will immediately blame others, their circumstances, their past, their tools, anything other than their own decision-making or themselves, when they have made a mistake. These responsibility-shedding types are frustrating to work with because their colleagues get tired of their excuses and trust is eroded.
And, on the other side of the spectrum, are those who will regularly take more than their share of the blame when something errant happens. If someone wrongs or slights or injures them in some way, they will quickly say, “I’m sorry,” as if they are to blame. These people-pleasing types are easier to work with because they tend to smooth over potentially rough moments between colleagues.
However, people on both ends of this spectrum – the responsibility-shedder and the people-pleaser – are unhealthy for the team. The responsibility-shedder is unhealthy because individuals fail to improve their performance when they perceive the problem is outside of themselves. When there is no perceived need to behave differently, or change, or adjust, improvement is rare.
The people-pleaser is unhealthy because helpful structural changes between colleagues or within systems can be missed because of the intense desire for momentary peace and frictionless interactions. “It’s easier if I do it myself,” is a tell-tale perspective that rarely has long-term productive outcomes.
Of course, most everyone has some responsibility-shedding and people-pleasing aspects to their personality.
The work, both as individuals and as teams, is to seek a balance between these two unhealthy poles. The work is to move consistently to the center.
