Most everyone will say feedback is good – helpful and productive.
But, some folks really don’t want it.
Their decision feels good to them. Their choice makes sense to them. Their motivations are pure from their perspective. Their actions are the best they can do.
When others, then, have a different viewpoint or experience with their decisions, choices, words, or behaviors, they can be quick to get defensive or petulant.
They may feel attacked. Or, like they are never enough. Or, like a failure.
So, they get in the habit of not asking others for feedback.
On the other hand, some people only pay attention to certain types of feedback. Usually negative feedback.
I once had the president of a university who read an entire, almost exclusively positive report I wrote about their campaign planning – almost 100 pages worth – and zeroed-in on the singular, negative comment a study participant made about him on the bottom of page 34.
The president’s first comment to me after reading the other 99 pages of positive observations and feedback? “I can’t believe people say I’m too impatient?” (the negative piece of feedback from page 34).
If we aren’t actively seeking feedback, or, are only paying attention to a particular kind of feedback, we probably aren’t getting the full picture of ourselves and our actions from those who care and are around us. And, we probably aren’t getting much better at life and work.
A simple 3-question check-in is a great way to start:
- “What am I doing that is helping?”
- “What am I doing that isn’t as helpful?”
- “What should I start doing that I’m not currently doing?”
Because, remember, we all say feedback is good.
